Love as Fruit 

When we read the word ‘love’ in the New Testament, most of the time we are reading a translation of the Greek word agape. Over the first four messages in this intermittent series called ‘the Colors of Love’, we’ve been looking at how this agape love is grounded in the very being, in the nature of God.  In other words, we’ve seen how we can only appreciate the meaning of agape when we understand – as much as we’re able to do that – the nature of God. Because “God” the scriptures tell us, “is love.”

Christian Swartz, in his book The Colors of Love, which is the source of much of the information that I’ve been sharing with you, points out that the main thrust of agape as we read it in the Bible is a love that is not stimulated by the person being loved (which would be more characteristic of what he calls the ‘secular/ romantic’ notion of love – the popular understanding); rather, agape love is directed to another person by our choice.  It begins in our will, not our emotions.

Of course, in New Testament times there were other concepts of love as well.  One common word that was used was the term eros. Now, in spite of the present derivatives of this word (i.e., erotic) the word eros didn’t only refer to sensual love.  “Eros is a general longing for something that one does not have, but ought to have or would like to have. Eros means, “I want you, I need you, I desire you, because I’m incomplete without you.”

So you can see, eros depends on feelings that have been ‘stoked up’, lets say, by the person being loved.  And it is then, only through feelings, through emotions, that the person loving becomes capable of having loving thoughts which then lead into loving deeds.

So we have this flow:

Loving feelings Þ Loving thoughts Þ Loving deeds

Most people’s notion of love, in our culture today, is based on this approach. Feelings come at the beginning of the process.  Songs are written based on this scenario, books and movies have been published, and countless high school romances have been acted out, based on feelings leading to thoughts, leading to actions.

Unfortunately, many marriages are built on this same foundation, which –again, sadly – many couples discover is much too flimsy to sustain a relationship over a long period of time.  Feelings come and go. Paul, in 1 Corinthians 13 says that love does not – it is the greatest of “the things that remain”, the things that have ‘staying power’.  So love does not ‘come and go’ – and of course, he is talking about agape.

Because the ‘eros’ based kind of love is the only teaching on love that most of us have ever experienced, and because it is so powerfully and constantly bombarding us through the media and culture, many Christians find that it is difficult to demonstrate love through loving deeds when it is not in keeping with their feelings. In fact, they believe that it is wrong to do that, because it is hypocritical! (i.e., “I’m not going to treat this person well, because I don’t like them!”) And, given the framework of this eros approach to love, that argument is perfectly logical. Without feelings it just can’t work.  Because feelings are the beginning.

Agape love has a different starting point.  Agape is not stimulated by the person loved, but by the person loving.  That means that agape is not dependent on loving feelings to initiate the process. It begins with a choice to think loving thoughts. Now, this doesn’t mean to think in a mushy, ‘rose-colored glasses’ kind of way about someone.  It doesn’t mean that we just ignore a person’s deeds, or character, or pretend that we don’t see what we plainly see. Agape is not about denial! 

It does mean that we attempt to see people with the eyes of Christ, and we attempt to put into action the clear teachings of Jesus and the Bible in general about how we are supposed to relate to one another as people of the Kingdom.  They’re not just words, they are commands.  They’re not just suggestions.  They’re not intended to be ‘multiple choice’ options.  Jesus expected his disciples to do the things he told us to do.

And we have reassurances throughout the New Testament that we can, in fact, do this.  Any person who has experienced the love of God is capable of making the choice to ‘think loving thoughts about someone else.’

Remember what we have been talking about so far:  to love someone means that we will take into account all the ‘colors’  - the three aspects of love in the Scripture, (which correspond to the three persons of the Trinity).  Love is Justice, Truth, and Grace in action.  Not ‘or’ but ‘and’! 

Justice= God’s compassionate love in action.

Truth = God’s trustworthy (faithful) love in action.

Grace = God’s accepting love in action.

In any given circumstance,– as people who have experienced the love of God ourselves – we can choose to think in terms of compassion, faithfulness, and acceptance (or, justice, truth, or grace) and ask ourselves, or ask God in prayer, to show us what we can do in any circumstance that would be the loving thing to do – and then we can choose to do it.  This is what it means to ‘think loving thoughts’.  It’s not necessarily what our ‘gut reaction’ would be, until we have come to the point (as we ended with last week) where we have so taken on the character of Christ that we are thinking his thoughts, that we are reacting as he would react… and that is maturity as a Christian.

This would flow something like this:

Loving thoughts Þ Loving deeds Þ Loving feelings

Now, notice that this approach doesn’t exclude our feelings. We can’t get away from the fact that we have been created with emotions, (and like all the rest of ourselves, since we are ‘fearfully and wonderfully made’[Psalm 139], these emotions are a good thing.) And as long as they are under control, they are going to be involved in our mental processes in a healthy way. Loving feelings in this scenario, however, are not necessarily experienced at the beginning of the process.  Most often they come at the end.  In other words, the feelings follow our thoughts and our deeds. See, Jesus taught a revolutionary kind of love.  He turned the world’s concept of love on its head!  It was true then, and it’s true today!

What this means in practical terms, is that we don’t have to wait for loving feelings to emerge before we can love others. Because God’s love has been ‘poured into our hearts’ we can choose to think loving thoughts and even do loving deeds. And the feelings will eventually come around!  And even if they don’t we can still choose our thoughts and actions in accordance to God’s instructions.

This is the only basis in which Jesus’ command for us to ‘love our enemies’ can make sense. In that same context (i.e., the Sermon on the Mount) Jesus asks, “If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus?  Anybody can do that.  If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal?  Any run-of –the-mill sinner does that!”[1]

In that first scenario (the secular/ romantic notion of love), if we have good feelings about someone, then, great for them! We won’t have a problem living out Jesus’ commands.  We can forgive pretty easily, and forget, and encourage, and comfort, and minister to that person, and more. But if we don’t have good feelings … well, too bad for them! 

Think what would happen within the church if we operated with this kind of ‘love’ – eros - on a normal basis.  I mean, just within our own community – if we lived on feeling-based love, then whenever someone would make someone else upset, they would stop showing kindness and love towards that person.  (Because they don’t feel good about them anymore.) When a person might feel hurt, or left out, or offended – stuff that just is going to happen in any bunch of real life people, Christians or not -  why, the offended person might simply stop coming to church, or they would ignore or avoid that offending person, or they might talk about them to others … and thank goodness that this never happens!  (Ouch!)

Agape enables us to act in love even when we are in the presence of some strong negative feelings. Because it doesn’t start with feelings, it begins in our will, in our thoughts.

OK, here’s a little exercise you might want to try:

Think for a minute of a person who is dependent on your love, but to whom it is difficult for you to express love.  What I mean by ‘dependent’ is that in some way you have the ability, or the opportunity to show love or to withhold it from them.  (So don’t think of a political or national leader, unless you have lunch with them regularly!)

Now let’s think through the practical effects that both the eros and the agape approaches would have on your relationship with that person. Here is a diagram that Christian Swartz uses in his seminars:

Feelings          Þ          Thoughts                       Þ                 Deeds

‘I don’t like Steve           ‘I hope I don’t run into him’                   I will avoid him.

Now, I don’t think I need to ask you this, but I will anyway: “Does this scenario represent what Jesus would do?”  No! I don’t think so.  So this is not the way of a disciple.  At least, it shouldn’t be!

Thoughts                     Þ Deeds                                            Þ Feelings

God loves Steve,           I approach Steve and have           I notice that
and I decide to love      a friendly chat with him.                 Steve no longer 
him, too.                                                                              seems hard to like.
                                                                                                                     Maybe you can develop a similar diagram for a relationship that you are working on?

The Institute for Natural Church Development did a survey among churches of various traditions that asked what percentage of the sermons the listeners heard in which they were exhorted to become more loving people.  The result was that 48% of all sermons included an appeal to love.  Think about that; it means that on average, we are being encouraged to love more in just about every other sermon that we hear.  On this basis, we then would think that love is a top priority in our churches, right?

The surprise, however, came when the same group of Christians was asked what practical opportunities were offered in their churches to lean the art of love, and 77% said that in their church there was no such opportunity.  Which raises the question, ‘Why are Christians regularly encouraged to love but are seldom offered practical training for growing in their ability to love?” why don’t we talk about what this actually means?

Swartz:  “Let me make a suggestion: For one year, let’s do away with all general sermons on love, and set up weekly groups in which people can learn the art of love instead.  I bet that this would be many times more effective than our present practice.” 

[I think that this is a great suggestion, because hearing about love is not the same thing as putting what we hear into practice.  I hope that after hearing this message you are all going to go home and start thinking “How can my love be more strongly based in my will – in following the teachings of Jesus -  and not based on my feelings about someone?”  I pray that this is happening, but I know how easy it is to just walk away, to start thinking about what’s for dinner, or lunch.  The best way to actually do these things, as we’ve talked about many times, is to regularly meet with a small group of believers to seek God together and help each other to become more authentic Christians. Lord willing, we are going to be building more groups this coming year, groups in which people can actually learn to put into practice the things that Jesus is teaching us.  Keep that in your prayers, too!]

Jesus not only described himself as ‘the light of the world’(John 8:12), but in the Sermon on the Mount he used the same terminology to describe his disciples: “You are the light of the world--like a city on a mountain, glowing in the night for all to see.”   Does this mean that there are two lights of the world?  Well, not exactly! 

To use a metaphor, we might say that Jesus is the sun, and his disciples are the moon.  Both emit light, and so the effect is very similar.  But, obviously, the sun is the source of the light, and the moon simply reflects the light that it receives from the sun.  I think tonight is going to be a full moon – if we go outside and enjoy the relatively cool temperatures tonight and notice the bright moonlight, and moon shadows, remember that we’re actually seeing the light of the sun.

This is the basic Scripture teaching of the truth of love – we can only give away what we have previously received. If we want to share God’s love with others, we first have to be filled with his love.  Or, put it like this, if loving means reflecting the light of gods’ love, we have to check and see whether or not there are any smudges on our ‘mirror’ that need cleaning.  The fruit of the Spirit’s presence in us … is love.

Justice… Truth…and Grace.   Next week we’ll talk about love and the Fruit of the Spiri